I am the voice of contradiction..

I am the girl you **** but, never keep or take home to mom.

I am a women but, more of a tom boy.

I am soft spoken and soft. Until you make me angry..

I am all together on the outside and broken on the inside.

I just had a bath bubbles. but I am not clean. There is no inclination to shave just to soak and drink..

I spend alot of my energy trying to save the world. yet, I never feel it is enough. ( My very young friend who I help get to school and buy groceries for. The Homeless guy who I drop fruit or small cash to by the railroad tracks, The food from the pantry for the hungry, clothes to goodwill. The list goes on.. never expecting anything in return just hoping that Karma is a good thing..

Even I from time to time, need/long for someone to take care of me for just a short while. But, I know I would not let them and would only push them away.

I am sure there are those that would say. I get what I deserve working in this business. Those that would say I am selfish..

I just hope that the person that took ALL of my christmas cash and debt card, needed it more then I do. I know I am strong,. I know I will be ok. ( you made me angry and you hurt me but, I wont allow you to hurt my kids. I wil not let you ruin it for them or me)

It makes it hard to continue to give more of me then I have to give. My mother always said, take care of you and everything else will take care of it's self..( this is not the kind of person I want to be..

The wine is gone, The Cider is cold so is the bath water. There is a tear in my beer and I think I should sleep.... maybe then I will feel like me again..

The blessing is. I made somebody.. Happy.. The blessing is.... I still have my kids. The blessing is........I should know by now. Nothing is ever easy...